Meet the new breed of grumpies: a bit younger but no less embittered. With tales of seasonal Tourette's, inappropriate present-buying and the eating of reindeer, here is the latest in a long line of celebrities with hilarious tales of festive humbug. Ozzy Osbourne considers himself lucky to have missed the whole thing one year following a horrific quad bike injury; Huey Morgan would rather throw burning conifers off the roof; John Thomson likes confusing his parents by sending them anonymous cards; Neil Morrissey may elect to spend the time locked away in the loo with a portable TV, a few bottles of wine and a turkey sandwich; and Ronni Ancona thinks sprouts are the grapes of the devil. Why? Because it's Christmas again. Have a very grumpy Christmas everyone.